mmm...veggie dogs.

This weeks Top Ten is inspired by a boisterous conversation held at the brand spankin’ new Red Dog Dinner. Originally meant to be a top ten epic battle list, it quickly turned into a Top Ten epic This vs. That list. Please enjoy the fruits of my friends obtuse minds:

Top Ten This vs. That:

1. Ewoks vs Storm Troopers – In the last amazing installment of Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VI:Return of the Jedi, these amazing little creatures are not only the most adorable little forest fighters ever but they can kick some serious ass. I mean, this is straight up David and Goliath. Storm Troopers have blasters and all these guys have are stick and stones and they STILL tore it down.

2 . Steven Colbert vs. The Bears – That man is going to get owned one day. Bears do not stand for that shit. Ask Ranger Rick. He got his in the end.

3. Bert vs. Ernie – The age old battle will always battle on. Interesting tidbit - Ernie's rendition of the song “Rubber Duckie” was released as a single in 1970 and reached #16 on the Billboard charts. I highly recommend typing in Bert and Ernie into Wikipedia. There some really funny ‘facts’ about these two Sesame Street characters.

4. Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff vs. The Parents - I think they said it all when they said:

"So to all you kids across the land, take it from me, parents just don't understand."

5. Gizmo vs. The Gremlins – Firstly, it is not Gizmo’s fault that creepy lizard like gremlins grew out of him. Specific instructions were given and if Billy’s jackass friends didn’t listen, well, not Gizmo’s fault. Secondly, he fights back hardcore. Flaming crossbow of doom anyone? (Interesting Fact- the voice of Gizmo was Howie Mandel. That may actually make up for “Deal or no Deal”. Maybe.)

6. Mufasa vs. Scar – Remember that scene in the Lion King when Scar is holding onto Mufasa’s paws with his claws and Mufasa is pleading with him to not drop him into the stampeding herd of wilder beast? Remember? Yah. Bad. Ass.

7. Deaner vs Nut Cancer – If you have yet to see “Fubar” then go rent it right now. A low budget, mockumentary filmed in and around Calgary AB. This film chronicles the life of two ‘metal heads’ and their trails and tribulations. It also includes an awesome song by Deaner himself titled “Women is a Danger Cat” (I am forever hoping to find someone(s) who have actually recorded this song. It would make my life) and features the best name scream ever (TRON!!!!) and the best word to describe a night of debauchery (Giv’er!!!). Essentially, it is awesome. Plus it is filmed in downtown Calgary, and I have actually been to a couple parties held in the Fubar house. Jealous?

(Sidenote – FUBAR actually stands for “F’ed up beyond repair”)

8. N.W.A vs. The Po-Po – I don’t want to get too deep in but this was one bad scene. Listen to any N.W.A song and I think you will get why. Hell, you really only need to listen to one...you know...the one titled “F*** tha Police”. Yah.

9. Lauren Hill vs. The rest of The Fugees – That girl is straight up crazy. CRAZY.

10. Conan O’Brien vs. The Horny Manatee – Man, this is probably one of my favorite Conan O’Brien skits. So, sometime in late 2006 Conan refereed to website www.hornymantatee.com which then, apparently, causes the producers of the show to a) actually create this website and then b) dupe some poor intern who really really wants this gig to dress up like a ‘sexy’ manatee and dance around suggestively on-air. Its even funnier then it sounds.

Here is a little something something on Campus-Community radio.

It's a little dry, but it is a good 9min overview of some of the problems that C/C radio faces.

So kick it!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=DmcnTu7CglU

my halloween costume beats your halloween costume

Oh man, Halloween is coming up and I am the most excited. My costume is so scary I have to put it on in the dark lest I give myself the willies. Now for a top ten worthy of all the fake blood and scar tissue floating around out there:

Top Ten most under rated villains:

1. Boba Fett – This character deserves way more recognition for the evilness he represents. Yah, Star Wars has Darth Vadar and Emperor Palapatine but this guy....ohhhh man.

Sent to capture the “Millennium Falcon” in The Empire Strikes Back Boba Fett is the one threat real enough to capture the “fastest hunk of junk in the universe”. He is a mean, lean, disintegration machine. True to his evil, soul less nature he directs Darth Vadar to Cloud City to capture the Millennium Falcon, and then freezes dreamy Hans Solo, and triy's to trap Luke Skywalker. Evil eh? Don’t worry – Hans Solo, with a little help from that gross looking Sarlacc, teaches him a lesson. Take that Boba Fett. What!

2. Gargamele – Man, that guy would just straight up not let up on those cute little Smurfs. Who wants to eat a small blue creature anyways? Ew.

3. Commander Cobra – In all honesty, this suggestion comes from someone else but his passionate defense of why this needed to be included is good enough for me, so Wikipedia here we go....A character from G.I. Joe, he appears in the animated series, comic books, toy line and movie. Created by Marvel Comics writer Larry Hama and was loosely based on the James Bond villain Ernst Stavro Blofeld. In the words of the original Commander Cobra’s Character Dossier Card: “Absolute power! Total control of the world... its people, wealth and resources - that's the objective of Cobra Commander. This fanatical leader rules with an iron fist. He demands total loyalty and allegiance. His main battle plan, for world control, relies on revolution and chaos. He personally led uprisings in the Middle East, Southeast Asia and other trouble spots. Responsible for kidnapping scientists, businessmen and military leaders, then forcing them to reveal their top level secrets. Cobra Commander is hatred and evil personified. Corrupt. A man without scruples. Most dictators and would-be Napoleon types are hampered by the need to pretend that they are pursuing a noble and just cause. Cobra Commander doesn't have that problem. This guy's in it for the money and the power, and if anybody else is interested in these things, they can pick up an assault rifle and get in line behind him.”

Fair enough, pretty evil.

4. Nickelback – They’re trying to kill the music industry. I consider this villainous.

5. Bowser – You would get through all those levels, picking up mushrooms and stars, running away from creepy haunted houses and ghosts, getting all high on yourself, thinking you got it like that. Then, BOOM. Bowser would roll up and destroy all your hopes and dreams for rescuing the princess. Man, that guy sucked.

6. Professor Coldheart – I’m talking about the REAL Professor Coldheart. You may even know him, he may even be in one of your classes (and no, I am not talking about an actual prof).

7. The Misfits – Not the real life band (unless your talking about the post Glenn Danzig, in which case, yes) but the evil fictional band in the TV program Jem and the Holograms. These girls were bad ass, but not in the cool “smoking in the boys room” way. Undermining Jem any chance they would get and even sucking in kind, sweet and totally redeemable Stormer. And really, “Pizzazz”? Thats the best stage name you could come up with? At least Roxy, Stormer and Jetta sound cool. Pizzazz sounds like a B-club stripper, and whats with all the extra Z’s?F!

8. That person in every group project who does nothing at all but still takes the credit.

9. The T-Rex from Land before Time – Once again, I reference this fantabulous movie. Seriously though, can you honestly say that the T-Rex didn’t make you want to scream “Run Littlefoot Run!” at the TV screen until your older sibling flicked your ear and called you dumb for thinking that maybe, just maybe they could hear you? This character really did scare me more then what is logical, even for a mere child of 5. I did know dinosaurs and more specifically T-Rex’s no longer existed but still....one look at those giant teeth dripping on my TV screen, uhhh, it still gives me the shivers.

10. Mama Fratelli– The Goonies continues to be one of the greatest movies ever made and Mama Fratelli continues to be one of the freakin’ creepiest characters to ever exist. This lady was down right mean. Mean to The Goonies, mean to her sons, really mean to poor Sloth and she almost puts Chunk’s hand in a blender. Yah.

god, I am cute.

It’s getting chillier and everyone seems to be walking around with a lovely little cold (myself included). So to warm up our hearts, lets take a walk down memory lane...Everyone have their buddy?

Top ten favorite childhood moments:

1. Being sick – Remember when being sick was the best thing ever? Now, I am not talking about real sick, like the chicken pox or Mono. More like that sick where you have a tummy ache and the sniffles. A couple days home from school, tons of attention, first dibs on the good T.V. programs and your teachers were totally cool when you didn’t have your homework finished for and entire week!
Now, if your lucky, you get a classmate to grab your notes from the one class you missed, where of course the entire test material is explained, which you then go to your prof.’s office to clarify the foreign language the notes seem to be in and wait 45 min for them to come during their office hours to then have them tell you, you should have been in class.
F!

2. “The Land before Time” movie – I’ve said it before and I will say it again. The first “Land before Time” was everything magical about childhood. Talking dinosaurs, life changing adventures, tree stars, BFF’s and good overcoming all the odds….sigh…Until about grade 5 I truly believed that this is what prehistoric times were really like.

3. Truth, Dare, Double Dare, Promise to Repeat – Some of my most scandalous moments have been because of this game. Also, some of the funniest childhood stories and memories are because of this game. C’mon, you know there was always that person who would do ANYTHING....

4. Long summer nights – Remember those summer’s where you truly had nothing to do for two whole months? No jobs, no school and minimal supervision. Bed times were pushed back to dusk and dusk meant like 9 pm! To a 10 year old that’s a huge deal. Bike rides, slurpees and days spent listlessly laying around on the playground, in your bedroom, in your friends basement....

5. Recess – Yes, as University students we do indeed get to choose our own schedule and breaks are abundent, but nothing compares to the anticipation of the last 30 minutes before sweet, sweet freedom. The race to the best swing, the claim on the four square space and huge games of cops and robbers. Recess was awesome and it didn’t matter how cold it was outside, the 15 minutes you get entirely to yourself was so worth that endless math class you have to endure to the get there (unless of course you are one of those people who liked math, in which case you are probably a math major now).

6. Elementary Crushes –Elementary crushes were characterized by hearts drawn in notebooks, giggling girls and chases on the playground. When boyfriends and girlfriends were the friends that you held hands with, or if you were very scandalous, kissed during school field trips or on the back of the bus ; and of course there was always that one ‘couple’ who got ‘married’ under the money bars. Cute!

7. TGIF – Friday’s used to be the night you stayed home and watched Boy Meets World, Sabrina the Teenage Witch and a slew of other coming of age sitcoms. You were allowed to stay up extra late because it wasn’t a school night and sleepovers + TGIF were, as the old adage goes, the bomb!

8. Saturday morning cartoons – Ok, so a know that TV seems to be a large part of this list, but lets face it, TV was a large part of many of our childhood’s. Even if your parents didn’t let you have cable until you were too old to care (like myself...which is why I didn’t know what Much Music was until I was 19....thanks mom and dad..) One Saturday Morning was on peasant vision and getting up at 9am was actually something I looked forward too. Plus it was the only way I was going to beat my three younger siblings to the good TV spot.

9. Milk Money – Yep, the school milk program rocked! Not only did you get tasty, delicious milk everyday, worry free, you won stuff too. Fair enough, I now see through the ploy that milk company’s are just trying to suck in young, impressionable future consumers and their parents by playing up the nutritious element, but still, free key rings? Whats up! ( A little fun fact for ya- being Lactose Intolerant is much more common then commonly known. Most adults don’t have the enzyme to break down milk protein because it does not naturally occur. It was an evolutionary thing we developed in the northern hemisphere to ensure we would get enough nutrients during those barren winter months.)

10. Friendship Bracelets - Ok, these were the coolest. Yes, a little elitist and I remember more then one lunch hour pouting about MY BFF giving some other girl a friendship bracelet, but still. Brightly colored pieces of string knotted together, something about it gets me every time. Plus they are a camp counselors dream!

Acceptance makes great top ten's

So, recently I completed the true test of a Lethbridge local. The walk from the west side to the south side. Now, it was a fair night with little wind but I still feel that I have been officially initiated into Lethbridge culture. For all you local’s and you fourth years who are pretty much locals by now here is this weeks top ten:

You know your (officially) from Lethbridge when:

1. You have walked from the west side to the south side, and it didn’t think it was that bad. In fact you may do it again. If the wind doesn’t physically stop you.

2. You don’t even like music but you know who Atrophy Manuscript is.

3. You know who is painted on the side of The Slice bar and grill.

4. You have worked at The Empire movie theater and/or The Penny Coffee house at some point in your life.

5. You have been in the wicked mysterious tunnels that run underneath downtown.

6. You wonder why 1983 was such a significant year and what made it cause a generation of people to “grow up”. F!

7. You actually know what people mean when they give you directions that use ‘China Town’ as a reference. (but you still shoot them a look because, C’MON!)

8. You are sick of seeing pictures/postcards/depictions of The Train Bridge. (but you miss it when you’re gone, and only feel truly at home once you round that corner and it comes into sight)

9. The fact that Lethbridge Transit actually calls itself L.A. Transit no longer is the funniest thing you have ever heard.

10. You have seen “Land before.....haha...just kidding.... for real: You no longer wonder where the East side went and you strongly identify yourself from which section of the city you live in. (go Westside!! woot woot!)

Do Stuff!

This was written mid september, so the pre-amble is a little dated. uhh...awkward...

So, it’s your third week in classes and you have most likely spent more time at The Duke then what is good for any one person. You have also probably gotten to that point that most people get to at about this...well...point. You are already sick of the wind, the one bar you have been too and looking for a reason to love this oh-so-love-to-hateable town. Well my dears, don’t despair:

Top Ten reasons why it’s worth putting up with ‘The Wind’.

1. Small venues = up close to sweet bands – Where else could I have seen Wayne Petti (from Cuff the Duke) drop trou, shaken it to Tokyo Police Club, sang along with Tegan and Sara, shaken hands with Joel Plaskett, had The Stolen Minks sign my hankie, and grooved to Bedouin Soundclash. Here in Lethbridge we have few venues for sweet bands to play in but these venues do offer what many can’t: up close and personal interaction. I have seen/danced to/meet many an artist here and my brushes of fame have only served to highlight why the Lethbridge music scene is super sweet.
2. Wicked coffee shops – For real. I am not comparing Lethbridge to coffee shop mecca’s like Vancouver or Toronto but places like Roundstreet Cafe and The Penny serve up a mean cappuccino, know how to make an iced Vietnamese ( hell, the fact they even know what one is makes me happy...) and make deli-sh sandwich's to go. These are all things that make a time crunched university student very very happy. Only problem- not open late enough, so get there during the day to taste these delights!
3. Saturday nights – Need something to do? Sick of studying? Well...Lethbridge offers quite a bit for cash strapped youths. Movie theaters are never sold out and cheaper here then other cities, places to play a game of pool and have a bevi are abundant (my favorite – Westside Backstreet) and most Saturdays boast a fire-spinning/ Tune blasting/ sweet dancing good time at Galt Gardens. Bring a hoop, some hot chocolate and let the good times begin!
4. Walking – Ok, so the fact that you can walk from a sweet sushi restaurant to a movie theater and then a pub without exerting too much effort is totally sweet. Plus the Lethbridge low crime rate means you can stroll after dark with little to no worry about your safety! Sweet! Plus downtown is pretty adorable and worth at least one of your afternoons.
5. Art Gallery’s - We have some very very sweet art gallery’s and as you will learn in Art 1000, Lethbridge boasts some world class collections (word has it, the UofL even owns a Picasso. Whats up!) Here are some you might not even know about:

- Gallery Potemkin: A loosely organized group of about 15 artists who occupy studio space in downtown Lethbridge and present three to four exhibitions a year. Rental space for artists.
Address: 316 5 St S Lethbridge AB T1J 2B5

- The Miller Gallery: Address: 407A 5 St S Lethbridge AB T1J 2B6

- Trianon Gallery: Formerly the Trianon Ballroom (1930s-1960s), the gallery is an informal mix between a gallery and an architectural office. Its open space and philosophy allows for creative community responses. Exhibitions range from nationally-renowned artists to aspiring students. A second exhibition space, Le Petit Trianon is now open downstairs.
Address: 104 5 St S - Upstairs Lethbridge AB T1J 2B2

- Coulee Ridge Art Gallery: Mon - Sat 10 am - 6 pm.
Address: Lethbridge Center Mall, 217-200 4 Ave S Lethbridge AB T1J 4C9

6. Chances to get involved - There are a shawk of wicked organizations and clubs in this city and since we are fairly small, you can play a lead role in these sweet groups. It’s super easy to fins local chapters and organizations on google. Just type in Lethbridge and then the group or interest. Presto! For example - “Lethbridge campus community radio” = CKXU!
7. Kebab Land – It’s a proper Kebab place. On the West Side (right next door to Fire and Ice). Open late. Serves a plethora of delights. Need I say more?
8. Karaoke to knock your socks off – For whatever reason Lethbridge has some of the best karaoke I have even encountered. The Tuesday night Slice Bar and Grill karaoke boats a song book to make any music lover swoon. Bo-Dudley’s and The Duke also host karaoke which will have you up on stage singing Blondie’s “Call Me” anyone before you can say “just one more drink..”
9. The Coulees – Breathtaking, free and totally accessible to all! They are amazing and all the locals know those wicked spots to sit, chill and think of that essay topic you have been putting off... So make friends with a local and utilize that shit! Plus, with all the rain hopefully the fire ban will no longer exist and then (space designated and controlled) coulee fires will reign supreme!
10. The People – Despite some of the hang-up’s that Lethbridge does carry, the people here make it all worthwhile. Ton’s of University student’s mean lots of wicked like minded people to meet, a great arts community, a wicked local music scene (seriously, check it! Local bands here are too good to not know about) and lots of ways to meet all these fine folks means a bevy of potential friends at your fingertips.

Why I hate Toby McGuire

Throughout my many years at a fine institution of learning, I have worked at perfecting one of the greatest skills that any fourth year student could have. The art of ripping stuff off. Here is a tribute to a skill which many of us university students couldn’t live without:

The top ten biggest rip off's of all time:

1. The Terminator III - Seriously. One was funny and totally far sighted for its time, two was pretty decent and more action packed then a can full of rubber snakes. Three, pure and unadulterated crap. The governator has all of California's tax money to throw into a movie and that's what comes out??

2. Paul McCartney's new album "Memory almost full" - More like "Senility has finally set in". Do yourself a favor. Go buy "St. Peppers Lonely Heart Club Band". Go.

3. Venti Frappiccunio Lights - Firstly- a Venti drink is 20 oz, or 750 ml or 3/4 of a liter. That’s 1/3 of your daily water needs. No one needs that much blended dairy product with diabetic inducing sugar syrup. Secondly- if you are looking to cut calories, get a smaller size. A Venti light is still enough calories to make up around 1/4-1/3 of your daily intake. Unless you literally live off three Venti frappiccunio daily (in which case, you’re going to be a diabetic soon) is that one frap really worth it? Thirdly - Think of how much of a drink 750 ml's is. At that point, can you even taste the pop culture capitalistic exploitation any more? Just get a small/tall/something else foreign sounding.

4. The Treaty of Versailles - If you don't know what I am talking about, do yourself a favor. Head on down to the local library and take out a library card. Then look it up. Too lazy? Yah, me too. Ok then, google it. See what I mean. Rip off through and through.

5. That 80's show- I don't know how many people remember this show, it existed for barley one season and became the number one time spot watched while channel surfing. Those 4 seconds each flip really add up. Trying to capture the success of the That 70's Show, a show about the big bad 80's rears its ugly head. Besides being a formula show with bad writing, the cast wasn't memorable and didn't have any of the chemistry that the cast from That 70's Show had.
The 80's were defined by the self obsessed nature of anyone who existed in the 80's. Look at every movie created. All commentaries on the selfish pop culture existence but all a self contained pop culture reference in itself. How can you make a show that draws from something which is as cliché as referencing a cliché in a blog (then using self deprecating humor to create a facade of coolness....oh Kolsterman I have learned so much from you.)

6. Asexual reproduction - 'nuff said.

7. Toy dogs- Where the hell is the rest of it? If I was given an itty bitty poodle that needed puppy booty's in the winter and sweaters at the first sign of frost I would ask where the dog trade-in office was and then get a real dog.

8. Canadian cell phone service - We have the worst cell phone service in the world. Seriously. Look it up. Not only do Canadians pay an arm and a leg for their cell phone bills but dropped calls, increasing charges and 3 year plans are so not ok. I say we rise up; all throw away our cell phones, bankrupt the companies and then start fresh.

9. Land Before Time II, III, IV, V, VI etc.... - The first Land Before Time was amazing. Childhood would not have been the same without Little Foot, Petri, Duckie, Spike and Sarah. However all the subsequent releases made my inner child want to shrivel like an ill feed mandrake root. Sad, sad, sad.

10. The Spiderman Movies - Yep, they both sucked. They took a wonderful, fantastic comic book and then created something puke inducing out of it. How rude. I admit it, I am a comic book fan or more accurately I am a fan of the social and political contexts in which comic books became a huge industry and one of the largest pop culture phenomenon since...well....fire? But, what the Spiderman movies did was suck all of the coolness out and replace it with Toby McGuire crying. F!