mmm...veggie dogs.

This weeks Top Ten is inspired by a boisterous conversation held at the brand spankin’ new Red Dog Dinner. Originally meant to be a top ten epic battle list, it quickly turned into a Top Ten epic This vs. That list. Please enjoy the fruits of my friends obtuse minds:

Top Ten This vs. That:

1. Ewoks vs Storm Troopers – In the last amazing installment of Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VI:Return of the Jedi, these amazing little creatures are not only the most adorable little forest fighters ever but they can kick some serious ass. I mean, this is straight up David and Goliath. Storm Troopers have blasters and all these guys have are stick and stones and they STILL tore it down.

2 . Steven Colbert vs. The Bears – That man is going to get owned one day. Bears do not stand for that shit. Ask Ranger Rick. He got his in the end.

3. Bert vs. Ernie – The age old battle will always battle on. Interesting tidbit - Ernie's rendition of the song “Rubber Duckie” was released as a single in 1970 and reached #16 on the Billboard charts. I highly recommend typing in Bert and Ernie into Wikipedia. There some really funny ‘facts’ about these two Sesame Street characters.

4. Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff vs. The Parents - I think they said it all when they said:

"So to all you kids across the land, take it from me, parents just don't understand."

5. Gizmo vs. The Gremlins – Firstly, it is not Gizmo’s fault that creepy lizard like gremlins grew out of him. Specific instructions were given and if Billy’s jackass friends didn’t listen, well, not Gizmo’s fault. Secondly, he fights back hardcore. Flaming crossbow of doom anyone? (Interesting Fact- the voice of Gizmo was Howie Mandel. That may actually make up for “Deal or no Deal”. Maybe.)

6. Mufasa vs. Scar – Remember that scene in the Lion King when Scar is holding onto Mufasa’s paws with his claws and Mufasa is pleading with him to not drop him into the stampeding herd of wilder beast? Remember? Yah. Bad. Ass.

7. Deaner vs Nut Cancer – If you have yet to see “Fubar” then go rent it right now. A low budget, mockumentary filmed in and around Calgary AB. This film chronicles the life of two ‘metal heads’ and their trails and tribulations. It also includes an awesome song by Deaner himself titled “Women is a Danger Cat” (I am forever hoping to find someone(s) who have actually recorded this song. It would make my life) and features the best name scream ever (TRON!!!!) and the best word to describe a night of debauchery (Giv’er!!!). Essentially, it is awesome. Plus it is filmed in downtown Calgary, and I have actually been to a couple parties held in the Fubar house. Jealous?

(Sidenote – FUBAR actually stands for “F’ed up beyond repair”)

8. N.W.A vs. The Po-Po – I don’t want to get too deep in but this was one bad scene. Listen to any N.W.A song and I think you will get why. Hell, you really only need to listen to one...you know...the one titled “F*** tha Police”. Yah.

9. Lauren Hill vs. The rest of The Fugees – That girl is straight up crazy. CRAZY.

10. Conan O’Brien vs. The Horny Manatee – Man, this is probably one of my favorite Conan O’Brien skits. So, sometime in late 2006 Conan refereed to website www.hornymantatee.com which then, apparently, causes the producers of the show to a) actually create this website and then b) dupe some poor intern who really really wants this gig to dress up like a ‘sexy’ manatee and dance around suggestively on-air. Its even funnier then it sounds.