This week I had the great fortune to see one of my favorite bands live. The fortune was almost ruined by the incredulous behavior of some of my fellow concert goers. Please, heed these small requests and you will be loved by many a person.

(side note – these rules apply mainly to indoor shows will limited area. Outdoor shows are a whole different ballgame but politeness is always applied)

Top Ten ‘rules of show etiquette’:

1. Backpacks – When there is 300 people crammed into an area that should normally accommodate 100 people, being the person wearing a giant bag (backpack, purse, satchel, murse, whatever...) is only going to make people hate you. Not only will all dancing be ceased around you as you hit people with the little metal tabs on your bag, but your bag is taking up space that a person could be using to, I dunno, breathe.

2. Waiting in Line – Waiting in line is inevitable,unless you are lucky enough to know the promoter/band/bouncer or just be really really cute. So, please do not think that you and your 9 buddies can spot someone in line and sneak on in there. You can’t. Well, maybe you can, but you shouldn’t. Get your a** back there with everyone else.

3. Dressing to ‘fit in’ with the crowd/the band/ the opening act – By day, she’s a mild mannered, flared jean wearing, pink sweater tied around the waist with a cute little ponytail sitting on the top of her head. But by night, or more accurately by band, shes a black eyeliner, unnecessary belt using, suspender sporting, gelled spiked haired ‘punk/goth/rocker’. Don’t be this person. It sounds lame, but go for the music, not for the look. If you are a major D.O.A. Fan but wouldn’t even know where to find a studded belt, don’t look for it. Wear that Gap sweater and rock out with pride!

4. Starting Fights – There is a time and a place for throwin’ down. A Broken Social Scene show isn’t it. Fights are so not cool. We are all there for the same reason. Love and music. So just give in and let it allllll go. (and c’mon, getting rowdy indie rock style mainly includes wearing a bright knit pattern on your cardigan and excessive finger point dancing)

5. Pushing through – If you are not able to get past the group of people in front of you, you are even less likely to get through the people in front of them. Logic. Plus, say you do get through. You will leave a wake of unhappy people behind, annoy all those beside you because they have less room and be very very uncomfortable from not being to raise or lower your arms.

6. Talking about pushing through – Yep. Talking about “pushing past this *****” is not going to make that person want to help you. In fact they may very well try to impair your actions every way they can.

7. Trying to get in without paying- there are numerous phrases I have heard in my many door manning adventures. “I know the owner”, “I want to just get a drink”, “I didn’t know a band was playing”, “I know the bassist/drummer/second guitar/roadie..” These do not fly. If you know someone, get on the guest list. If you didn’t know a band was playing and don’t want to see it, or want to just get a drink, go to another bar. Door usually covers the bands road expenses, so don’t be an a** and pony up.

8. Stealing band merch – This is less likely at big shows, but still happens. Band’s merch is the number one way these folks make money. That CD you bought at HMV has a huge mark up so you really are paying HMV/the production company. That CD you bought at the show has no mark up and majority of money goes to the band. Support good bands and don’t be a jerk.

9. Saying stuff from music media like you came up with it – yes, that line in exclaim hailing Holy Fuck as the band that “scored a backing band from a Canrock wet dream...” is wicked and I bet you wish you thought of that wet dream reference yourself but you didn’t. Give credit where credit is due and you won’t sound like a pretentious a**.

10. Sitting down – Ok, this is the number one thing that drives me. When the house is packed with people and there is that time between the rad opening number and the headliner PLEASE DO NOT SIT DOWN. This is so rude. It makes people have to maneuver around you awkwardly, people will try and push to that space to only find out that it isn’t available and then have no where to go, and people will fall on you. Just don’t do it, straight up, theres no need.

honourable mention:
11. Make out couple - There is nothing worse or more awkward then trying to crane your neck around a couple who are straight up getting it on. Do not be this couple. It's gross.

Moral of the story folks: we are all in this together. Yes, venues get hot and crowded and kinda gross so if we all do our part to make it a bit more pleasant then it will be. It the words of greatness “Do or do not do, there is no try”. (sorry there really is no context for that it just had to be done)