I LOVE ROCK BAND!

The past couple weeks I have been spending pretty much all of my time either getting super pumped for the upcoming elections or playing rock band ( I am now fully proficient at analyzing Dante’s seven levels of Hell while kicking Areosmith’s bass playing ass!). In playing this awesome sauce of a game I contrived a kick ass battle of the bands set list, and what makes a battle of the bands more wicked than awesome sauce categories? Nothing. So……

Top Ten “If I made battle of the band categories, these are the ones I would make”:

1. Best band facial hair growth – Lots of my favorite band members sport some awesome facial hair (Peaches showed that even us ladies can get in the fun!). Points for band uniformity, creativity, difficulty of growth and/or design and general beard bad assness.

2. Best call and response love looks – I’m talking a la Fleetwood Mac, Stars, Mates of State……You know when you are watching a band with two singers and they are too in love for words. Yah. Extra points if someone in the audience actually swoons.

3. Most kick ass guitar kick - a classic standard from the epic guitar hero competitions cropping up around the nation. There is nothing more bad ass then a sweet high kick while rocking out. Warning - best stretch…wouldn’t want to pull any of those muscles.

4. Best use of historical references in songs – There is nothing that gets my geeky heart a-beatin’ than a properly used historical reference in music. I have been working on my Tommy Douglas rap for ever…. “Breaking down privatization faster than T to the Douglas…say what!” (I promise, that was a joke…)

5. Best song title – This is much trickier than first seems. A good song title should represent the song somewhat, whether abstract or literal, but should not be a line directly out of the song or a too direct explanation for the song. My favorite thus far is the now defunct The Buzzing Bees track “Sorry, I was to busy being awesome”. Extra points for wicked references, math equations that seem really complicated and shout-ability for your encore presentations.

6. Best bro-down – This is simple. Bro-down the best and you will win. Extra points for inspiring bro-down groupies to also bro-down, and getting the whole audience into bro’ing-down.

7. Best foot stomping set – A set that gets everyone super jazzed and just ready to throw down is pretty kick ass. Extra points if an actual ho-down starts, people get up to foot stomp and if you can no longer hear the drums and/or bass because the whole place is packed with crazy folk stompin’ their feet.

8. Best use of hand claps – Seriously, people underestimate the power of hand claps. Modest Mouse, Broken Social Scene, and Radiohead have shown what gold can be spun with nothing but two hands and a beat. Throw them into a song and you have sheer rock goodness. But please remember boys and girls, with great power comes great responsibility….

9. Best Tambourine use – We all saw what The Bangles could do with a tambourine and ABBA ripped it up hard with this little hand held percussion, so don’t be afraid! Get yourself a little tambourine and invite friends up on stage with you to jam out. Instant success.

10. Best literary reference in song/album/track titles – Literary references are a hard thing to pull off without sound straight up pretentious, but done right and to the right audience….Let’s just say I cannot be held responsible for the panty throwing madness that could ensue. (ok, maybe panty throwing is a bit much but I am sure you will probably at least get laid….maybe, if there are lots of English majors in the crowd)