Why I hate Toby McGuire

Throughout my many years at a fine institution of learning, I have worked at perfecting one of the greatest skills that any fourth year student could have. The art of ripping stuff off. Here is a tribute to a skill which many of us university students couldn’t live without:

The top ten biggest rip off's of all time:

1. The Terminator III - Seriously. One was funny and totally far sighted for its time, two was pretty decent and more action packed then a can full of rubber snakes. Three, pure and unadulterated crap. The governator has all of California's tax money to throw into a movie and that's what comes out??

2. Paul McCartney's new album "Memory almost full" - More like "Senility has finally set in". Do yourself a favor. Go buy "St. Peppers Lonely Heart Club Band". Go.

3. Venti Frappiccunio Lights - Firstly- a Venti drink is 20 oz, or 750 ml or 3/4 of a liter. That’s 1/3 of your daily water needs. No one needs that much blended dairy product with diabetic inducing sugar syrup. Secondly- if you are looking to cut calories, get a smaller size. A Venti light is still enough calories to make up around 1/4-1/3 of your daily intake. Unless you literally live off three Venti frappiccunio daily (in which case, you’re going to be a diabetic soon) is that one frap really worth it? Thirdly - Think of how much of a drink 750 ml's is. At that point, can you even taste the pop culture capitalistic exploitation any more? Just get a small/tall/something else foreign sounding.

4. The Treaty of Versailles - If you don't know what I am talking about, do yourself a favor. Head on down to the local library and take out a library card. Then look it up. Too lazy? Yah, me too. Ok then, google it. See what I mean. Rip off through and through.

5. That 80's show- I don't know how many people remember this show, it existed for barley one season and became the number one time spot watched while channel surfing. Those 4 seconds each flip really add up. Trying to capture the success of the That 70's Show, a show about the big bad 80's rears its ugly head. Besides being a formula show with bad writing, the cast wasn't memorable and didn't have any of the chemistry that the cast from That 70's Show had.
The 80's were defined by the self obsessed nature of anyone who existed in the 80's. Look at every movie created. All commentaries on the selfish pop culture existence but all a self contained pop culture reference in itself. How can you make a show that draws from something which is as cliché as referencing a cliché in a blog (then using self deprecating humor to create a facade of coolness....oh Kolsterman I have learned so much from you.)

6. Asexual reproduction - 'nuff said.

7. Toy dogs- Where the hell is the rest of it? If I was given an itty bitty poodle that needed puppy booty's in the winter and sweaters at the first sign of frost I would ask where the dog trade-in office was and then get a real dog.

8. Canadian cell phone service - We have the worst cell phone service in the world. Seriously. Look it up. Not only do Canadians pay an arm and a leg for their cell phone bills but dropped calls, increasing charges and 3 year plans are so not ok. I say we rise up; all throw away our cell phones, bankrupt the companies and then start fresh.

9. Land Before Time II, III, IV, V, VI etc.... - The first Land Before Time was amazing. Childhood would not have been the same without Little Foot, Petri, Duckie, Spike and Sarah. However all the subsequent releases made my inner child want to shrivel like an ill feed mandrake root. Sad, sad, sad.

10. The Spiderman Movies - Yep, they both sucked. They took a wonderful, fantastic comic book and then created something puke inducing out of it. How rude. I admit it, I am a comic book fan or more accurately I am a fan of the social and political contexts in which comic books became a huge industry and one of the largest pop culture phenomenon since...well....fire? But, what the Spiderman movies did was suck all of the coolness out and replace it with Toby McGuire crying. F!